Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Gujju Bhai:Mahavir Singh

BILL GATES organized an enormous session to recruit a new Chairman for
Microsoft Europe.

5000 candidates assembled in a large room. One candidate is Kantibhai Shah.

Bill Gates:  Thank you for coming. Those who do not know JAVA may leave.
2000 people left the room.

Kantibhai says to himself, 'I do not know JAVA but I have nothing to lose
if I stay. I'll  give it a try'

Bill Gates: Candidates who never had experience of managing more than  100 people may leave.
2000 people left the room.

Kantibhai says to himself  ' I never managed anybody by myself but I have
nothing to lose if I stay. What can happen to me?' So he stays.

Bill Gates: Candidates who do not have management diplomas may leave.
500 people left the room.

Kantibhai says to himself, 'I left school at 15 but what have I got to
lose?' So he stays in the room.

Lastly, Bill Gates asked the candidates who do not speak Serbo - Croat to leave.
498 people left the room.

Kantibhai says to himself, ' I do not speak one word of Serbo - Croat but
what do I have to lose?' So he stays and finds himself with one other candidate.
Everyone else has gone.

Bill Gates joined them and said 'Apparently you are the only two candidates
who speak Serbo - Croat, so I'd now like to hear you have a  conversation
together in that language.'

Calmly, Kantibhai turns to the other candidate and says...... 'kem chho?'

The other candidate answers
   .........   'ek dam majama...'
  
Ha...Ha..Ha..!!!

Mahavir Singh" <singhmahabir@yahoo.co.in

Tax Structure in India.... Funny but true

Tax Structure in India
.... Funny but true
MAHAVIR SINGH
Question 1. : What are you doing?
Ans. : Business.
Tax : PAY PROFESSIONAL TAX!

Question 2 : What are you doing in Business?
Ans. : Selling the Goods.
Tax : PAY SALES TAX!!

Question 3 : From where are you getting Goods?
Ans.... : From other State/Abroad
Tax : PAY CENTRAL SALES TAX, CUSTOM DUTY & OCTROI!

Question 4 : What are you getting in Selling Goods?
Ans. : Profit.
Tax : PAY INCOME TAX!

Question 5: How do you distribute profit ?
Ans : By way of
dividend
Tax
: PAY DIVIDEND DISTRIBUTION TAX

Question 6 : Where you Manufacturing the Goods?
Ans. : Factory.
Tax : PAY EXCISE DUTY!

Question 7 : Do you have Office / Warehouse / Factory?
Ans. : Yes
Tax : PAY MUNICIPAL & FIRE TAX!

Question 8 : Do you have Staff?
Ans. : Yes
Tax : PAY STAFF PROFESSIONAL TAX!

Question 9 : Doing business in Millions?
Ans. : Yes  -- Tax : PAY TURNOVER TAX!
Ans : No -- Tax : Then pay Minimum Alternate Tax

Question 10 : Are you taking out over 25,000 Cash from Bank?
Ans. : Yes, for Salary.
Tax : PAY CASH HANDLING TAX!

Question 11 : Where are you taking your client for Lunch & Dinner?
Ans. : Hotel
Tax : PAY FOOD & ENTERTAINMENT TAX!

Question 12 : Are you going Out of Station for Business?
Ans. : Yes
Tax : PAY FRINGE BENEFIT TAX!

Question 13 : Have you taken or given any Service / (s)?
Ans. : Yes
Tax : PAY SERVICE TAX!

Question 14 : How come you got such a Big Amount?
Ans. : Gift on birthday.
Tax : PAY GIFT TAX!

Question 15.: Do you have any Wealth?
Ans. : Yes
Tax : PAY WEALTH TAX!

Question 16 : To reduce Tension, for entertainment, where are you going?
Ans. : Cinema or Resort.
Tax : PAY ENTERTAINMENT TAX!

Question 17 : Have you purchased House?
Ans. : Yes
Tax : PAY STAMP DUTY & REGISTRATION FEE !

Question 18 : How you Travel?
Ans. : Bus
Tax : PAY SURCHARGE!

Question 19.: Any Additional Tax?
Ans. : Yes
Tax : PAY EDUCATIONAL, ADDITIONAL EDUCATIONAL & SURCHARGE ON ALL THE
CENTRAL GOVT.'s TAX !!!
 
Question 20: Delayed any time Paying Any Tax?
Ans. : Yes
Tax : PAY INTEREST & PENALTY!

21) INDIAN : Can I die now??
Ans :: Wait we are about to launch the funeral tax !!!

Friday, April 17, 2009

जूते और वोट



-रामेश्वर काम्बोज 'हिमांशु'
जूते
जूते में गुन बहुत से, सदा राखियो संग ।
गुण्डे नेता हों जहाँ , वहाँ दिखाए रंग ॥

वहाँ दिखाए रंग,झपट  दुष्टों को मारे ।
यह घमण्ड का भूत , सिर से तुरन्त उतारे ॥

इसका जोड़ न तोड़ सभी कुछ इसके बूते ।
परमाणु से भारी , पड़ते पाँव के जूते ॥
>>>>>>>>>>>>> 
वोट

लोकतन्त्र में वोट है , बहुत बड़ा हथियार ।
यही इन्द्र का बज्र है ,  करे अमोघ प्रहार ॥
करे अमोघ प्रहार ,टिकते न गाली जूते ।
सदा बदलता तंत्र , केवल  इसी  के बूते ॥
गाली जूते छोड़ , इसी को सब अपनाओ 
वोट -चोट का मन्त्र ,सभीको जा बतलाओ ।।

Tuesday, April 7, 2009

Heaven and Hell:Mahavir Singh












A holy man was having a conversation with God one day and said,
'God, I would like to know what Heaven and Hell are like.'

God led the holy man to two doors.

He opened one of the doors and the holy man looked in.
In the middle of the room was a large round table. In the middle of the table was a large pot of stew, which smelled delicious and made the holy man's mouth water.
The people sitting around the table were thin and sickly.. They appeared to be famished.
They were holding spoons with very long handles, that were strapped to their arms and each found it impossible to reach into the pot of stew and take a spoonful.
But because the handle was longer than their arms, they could not get the spoons back into their mouths.
The holy man shuddered at the sight of their misery and suffering.
God said, 'You have seen Hell.'

They went to the next room and opened the door. It was exactly the same as the first one.
There was the large round table with the large pot of stew which made the holy man's mouth water.
The people were equipped with the same long-handled spoons, but here the people were well nourished and plump, laughing and talking. The holy man said, 'I don't understand..'
It is simple,' said God . 'It requires but one skill.
You see they have learned to feed each other, while the greedy think only of themselves.'

Presented by


Mahavir Singh